bird by bird - write about school lunches

I've been reading Bird by Bird, Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. The first two big pieces of advice she gives are things I already knew, but it’s like “Writing for Dummies”, explaining things on a level that motivates rather than confuses.

The two pieces of advice are this. First, look at the small picture. Second, write badly and then edit. What follows here is stage one (bad writing) and stage two (rough draft of a poem) of a writing project based on that advice.

The author did her own project with school lunches and it made me think about school lunches, and it was the first time I’d felt like writing about anything in a while, so I figured I’d steal the idea. So here goes.

STAGE I: Everything I can think about about school lunches.

I hated peanut butter as a kid. And warm baloney with ketchup soaked into pasty white bread. I didn't like processed American cheese. Yeah, I was a picky eater. My mother didn't let us kids get away with much, but for some reason, I got away with that. She made me special lunches. I had egg salad every day, with lettuce on both sides so that the mayonnaise wouldn't soak through to the bread. I'm sure it stunk up my locker, but I don't remember that, I only remember that I enjoyed my lunch. I did eventually learn to like peanut butter when I lived alone with no money for any other food, but to this day, egg salad is a comfort food, one I'm going to have for lunch today for that matter.

Then we come to the actual lunch room. I don't remember a lot about the one at my high school. I remember it being loud. I remember that I had a set of friends to sit with so whatever happened in the rest of the cafeteria didn't really matter. But I also remember wishing I could buy my lunch, or really, a big cookie. The lunches didn’t look so hot. The cookies did.

The lunch line was full of people I really didn't want to associate with. This was 1968-1971, when it was cool to not be cool. The people in the lunch line were jocks and socs (social girls), and us hippies didn't want anything to do with them. Their lunch time ran in the opposite direction of ours. We would pay out nickel to the milk machine, eat our brown bag lunches, then hang out. They hung out in the lunch line, then had to quickly eat their food at the end of the period. But man, I wanted one of those cookies.

Now I’m a teacher, so I have to deal with lunchrooms again. My first year at the high school where I teach, I had cafeteria duty. What I noticed first was that I was impressed with the racial integration. That didn't happen at my high school. At this one however, there were some groups that were all white, or all black, but there were at least as many groups that were integrated. Some of them were obvious "groups", like the members of the anime club. And those who sat and did their homework, sharing math books and problems over their lunches.

I also noticed the food. For all that we try to be a "no junk" cafeteria, kids still find ways to get around that. I've seen kids with two orders of french fries for their lunch.

Now it seems I've come full circle. I don't have lunch duty anymore, and I avoid the lunchroom. Instead I brown bag it, have lunch in the library where I can have peace and quiet, and don't have to deal with the kids in the lunch line. They’re still obnoxious

STAGE II: Rough draft of a poem.

Here’s the draft of the poem. I actually think I can get a second, children’s, poem out of this but I’m just thrilled I got past my not writing. I need to keep reading Bird by Bird.

I bring my brown bag lunch to school -
egg salad, oreo cookies.
The kids in the crowded lunch line
shout, laugh, punch each others' arms.

Egg salad, oreo cookies,
same thing every day. I watch boys
shout, laugh, punch each others' arms,
don't envy the mystery meat.

Same thing every day. I watch boys
with my friends. They brown bag it too,
don't envy the mystery meat,
wish for five-cent fresh-baked cookies.

With my friends (they brown bag it too)
it doesn't matter we have no money,
wish for five-cent fresh-baked cookies.
We don’t waste time in the lunch line.

It doesn't matter we have no money.
Lunch is over much too quickly,
we don’t waste time in the lunch line,
enjoy the time instead of food.

Lunch is over much too quickly
now. A high school teacher, I still
enjoy the time instead of food,
want quiet away from students.

Now a high school teacher, I still
see noisy lunchrooms, haven’t changed,
want quiet away from students
clamoring for notice from peers.

See, noisy lunchrooms haven’t changed,
the kids in the crowded lunch line
clamoring for notice from peers.
I bring my brown bag lunch to school.

life goes on - dying for a response

From Life Goes On:

To dye or not to dye, that is the question. Do you dye your hair? To cover the gray or just for fun? Are you planning to stop dying it at some point, or if you don't dye it, have you ever? Tell me about how you want to dye.

To dye or not to dye, that is the question. Whether it is nobler to suffer the slings and arrow of gray hair or by coloring, end them. Well, for me, it's as much of a question as to cut or not to cut. But, I have to go back to the beginning for this to make any sense.

When I was a young mother, watching older women obsess about dying their hair, and having experienced the horrid smells and stains of helping a friend dye hers, I decided that I would NEVER dye my hair. Men didn't dye their hair, they got distinguished. I didn't wear make up, figuring I had "nothing to make up for", I was me, plain and simple. Well, plain and complicated, but that's me anyway.

But then the gray hairs started creeping in. I wore my hair long, all the way past my butt, hippie-style. And I noticed that it wasn't as long anymore, even though I didn't cut it. It was closer to my waist than my butt. Basically, as I aged, not only was I getting gray, but my hair was getting more brittle.

When my second marriage broke up and I found myself in my 40s on the dating scene, I allowed a friend to talk me into getting my hair cut and dyed. See, you can't do the dying without the cutting. When parted hair, i.e. long hair, grows out, you can see the gray within a couple of weeks, especially because my hair grows particularly fast.

I have to admit, I was amazed at the difference. I looked younger, more presentable, and all that shit. I dated, I kept dying it, I got married again. I found a hairdresser that I liked, and our last move even put me closer to her. Then she retired. The doctor told her she had to because the chemicals were destroying her lungs.

And that got me thinking about those chemicals again. But I tried another hairdresser, and another, and a third. I didn't like them, I didn't like the haircuts. So, I just stopped cutting and dying my hair. This wasn't a "let's grow my hair long" conscious effort, but a procrastination, I really don't feel like trying another hairdresser, lack of action.

Now my hair is back to my butt. I've been taking better care of not yanking big handfuls out using a brush, but only a wide-toothed comb. However, it's two-toned. About a foot of it is gray/brown, about a foot of it is faded auburn dyed. Before school ended, I decided that over the summer I would go get the dyed part cut off and leave the gray, in layers, like my old hairdo.

I do think I'm done dying. I never did do it myself, only had a hairdresser do it, so it wasn't as awful, but I do find it a waste of time. I have more fun things to do with my time that sit for however many minutes to let the dye set, to have to be sure I go back every 6 weeks to dye the roots and trim my hair so it stands up nice and curly and doesn't show the roots when I forget to go back until 8-12 weeks. I never have been one for high maintenance, and my husband likes that part of me, so we are the only ones that should matter.

I do think the two-toned hair has to go, but now summer is half over now and I haven't done it yet. I like my long hair, even if the short hair DOES look better. I like my braids. I like feeling it down my back. My husband Karl likes it, even though it's weirdly colored. He keeps asking me how short I intend to cut it. I tell him I want to cut off the dyed part, donate the ponytail to Locks of Love. And I do mean to do it. Maybe after Gathering of the Vibes. Just not today.

life goes on... musical influence

From Life Goes On:

Growing up music played a big part in my life. I find myself stuck in the 60’s when it comes to songs of choice. Each generation has its own stars, its own styles and its own message. Do you think music influenced our feelings about the times or did the events influence the music? And what were some of the songs and singers that had the biggest impact on you or that you still enjoy today?

I've had my blog for six and a half years now. The music of my youth is so important to me that I knew I had to have posted on this subject before. Ans sure enough, I found several posts mentioning the music, and three that were specifically about the music.

When I posted 60's protest songs, two of them were running aournd my head in April of 2003 so I posted the lyrics to Eve of Destruction and For What Its Worth

The other two posts are exactly what I want my answer to this post to be, so I'm going to "reprint" most of them:

from music, music, music:

1. What are 3 songs from your "growing up" years that you hear on the radio now and have to crank it. Songs that really get you rockin'.
Candles in the Rain - Melanie
For What It's Worth - Buffalo Springfield
Eve of Destruction - Barry McGuire

Hmmm, they're all protest songs. Imagine that. And yes, I sing out loud along with them whenever they come on the radio.

2. What are 3 songs that bring back really great memories.
Almost anything from the musical Hair, Age of Aquarius in particular. There was a guy, Elliot Stroul, who used to bring his guitar and sit on the front steps of the school and sing songs from Hair. It was a time when we all felt the compatriotism that comes from trying to be different together, i.e. we were all more alike than we would have admitted. But it was still a great time.

Hey Joe by Jimi Hendrix. Strangely, this is a very sad song, that reminds me of a very sad movie, Joe, but it also reminds me of a very happy time, when my friends Pam and Lonnie and I would go to the movies every Saturday afternoon, usually tripping, and then talk for long hours about the movie after.

Salisbury Hill by Peter Gabriel. When I was first dating my 2nd husband, Chuck, he was an all night disc jockey. I would go visit Chuck at the radio station and he would always put on the album side with this song, lock the door and we'd make love on the couch in the reception area.

...and lastly, nothing has changed. I posted this in August 2003 and still, nothing has changed, so I'm going to repost this one in its entirety.

Nothing has changed.

As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.
The Times They Are A-Changin'- Bob Dylan, 1964

But nothing has changed. I know people have said this for generations before me, but having experienced two generations of war, I truly believe nothing has changed. The protest songs I sang at 14 still ring true.

The eastern world it tis explodin',
violence flarin', bullets loadin'
Eve of Destruction - P.F. Sloan, 1965

Before we invaded Iraq, I found myself back out on the street in Hartford where there were

A thousand people in the street
Singing songs and carrying signs
For What It's Worth - Steven Stills, 1967

And it didn't change a damn thing last time, and it didn't change a damn thing this time.

Where have all the young men gone?
Gone to soldiers, every one!
When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?
Where Have All the Flowers Gone, Pete Seeger/Joe Hickerson, 1956-'60

And still young men are dying for causes that truly only further the aims of big business and line the pockets of the rich. We pretend the war has ended but the killing doesn't stop. We kill civilians. We kill "terrorists". We kill. And our soldiers get killed in return.

He's the one who gives his body
as a weapon to a war
and without him all this killing can't go on
Universal Soldier- Donovan, 1965

And it goes on. Nothing has changed. And it will continue even though we all know

War-huh
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
War - Edwin Starr, 1970

And still it goes on. It doesn't change. Or maybe it does. Because this time around, if you sing against war, if you speak out against war, you are considered an enemy of the state. Big corporations that own far too many radio stations, like the Clear Network, ban anti-war songs from the airways.

And I still don't know

... how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind
Blowin' in the Wind - Bob Dylan, 1963

And still I can't help but hope things will change someday. Maybe this time we really can make it change.

You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.
Imagine - John Lennon, 1971

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life goes on - more or less

From Life Goes On:

If you were retired (or are retired) are you planning to take it easy, lay back and do nothing, or are you looking forward to doing all those things you've been waiting your whole life to do? Will you slow down? Will you speed up? (I feel like going into a "Green Eggs and Ham" parody here, but I will refrain.)

Okay, I refrained in the post, and my sister Bonnie did one verse, so I figured it was up to me to respond entirely in Seuss.

I won't retire in a slump,
will not lie down, become a lump.
I will not simply waste away,
I cannot wait for time to play.

I want to write a book or two,
to learn to paint, and then pursue
the Appalachian Trail hike,
from Maine to Georgia, then I'd like

to cross the country, visit friends
neglected in my never ends
to do list, things in need of me
like work and children, but you see,

my list of future plans goes on
and on and on and on and on.
I cannot wait till I retire.
Till then, I'm off to fight a fire.

tuesday newsday - in and out

From Tuesday Newsday (and this will catch me up with those!):

It's July 2009. The 2008 elections, and their candidates, are still in the news. Today it's one in, one out. The last Senatorial election is finally decided. The Governor of Alaska, former Vice Presidential candidate, resigns. Franken and Palin. Do you find it strange that two people from the LAST election are still making news?

There are two separate issues here, but I wanted to be sure there was enough to write about. Having both Franken and Palin in the news on the same day, it seemed fitting. So let's take them one at a time.

Franken. This election should NOT have taken this long to resolve, whichever way it was resolved. Once the recount was in, and recounted twice, in Franken's favor, it should have been over. Considering it was so close, I understand why Coleman pursued it, but in the end, multiple bodies of intelligent and responsible people declared Franken the winner. And it's over.

But it's not. Now all the stink is about the 60 seat majority the Democrats now have in the Senate, making it "filibuster-proof". Don't bet your fortune on that one. Until this past election, I have seen Democrats be more diverse within one state than the Republicans were across the country. The Republicans are now going through growing (or shrinking) pains, and have been bickering inside the party as Democrats have done for decades. If you can get all 60 Democrats in the Senate to agree on an issue to not allow a filibuster, it will be a bill with Republicans on board also.

Okay, that leaves Sarah Palin. Maybe now we CAN leave Sarah Palin, considering she's leaving her state in a lurch and even the right wing is now fed up to their eyeballs with her. Captains don't jump ship mid-voyage unless, as Palin herself said, they have a "higher calling". I don't see a higher calling here if she does want to run for President. I won't even speculate on her reasons, because they don't matter. What matters to me is that I think she has made last big mistake in the public eye. And I would bet she doesn't get that public eye back again come the 2012 elections. In my humble opinion, she never deserved it in the first place, and now she is proving it once again.

tuesday newsday - cap and trade

From Tuesday Newsday:

So, what is a cap and trade bill? It is a two-part regulatory system in which the “cap” is a government-imposed limit on carbon emissions, and the “trade” is a government-created market to buy and sell greenhouse gas credits.The question is not whether we need a cap and trade bill. How do you feel about this new bill?

First, let me say congratulations to the House of Representatives who narrowly passed the cap and trade bill last Friday! We're on our way to remembering that saving the earth counts as much as saving big business.

If the earth is to survive, we need to reduce carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gas emissions. Cap and trade it the most effective way to do this, and has the least effect on the average person. Yes, the price of gas may go up as a result, and the cost of other carbon based products may go up. Whatever implementation is used to cut green house gases, any efforts to try to save our environment, it is going to hurt someone. The question is, are you willing to take a hit in order to save the world?

This is not a joke. This is not something to put money into big pockets and take it from small ones. And for the most part, it will most greatly affect those who are doing the polluting. It says that if you pollute you have to pay. And by putting a cap on carbon emissions, companies who stay below that cap are rewarded by being allowed to sell their excess to those companies who don't.

This is a policy that should not be needed, but since big business seems to put their own priorities before those of humanity, there needs to be a way to regulate it. How does it work? From Cap and Trade 101:

Each large-scale emitter, or company, will have a limit on the amount of greenhouse gas that it can emit. The firm must have an “emissions permit” for every ton of carbon dioxide it releases into the atmosphere. These permits set an enforceable limit, or cap, on the amount of greenhouse gas pollution that the company is allowed to emit. Over time, the limits become stricter, allowing less and less pollution, until the ultimate reduction goal is met. This is similar to the cap and trade program enacted by the Clean Air Act of 1990, which reduced the sulfur emissions that cause acid rain, and it met the goals at a much lower cost than industry or government predicted.

And this will likely work the same way, meeing goals at a much lower cost than predicted. The government will make money by auctioning the emissions permits to the companies required to reduce their emissions. There is no effect on the average taxpayer unless the companies that are polluting decide to pass off their own penalty costs to consumers. In this case, it would once again be big business penalizing the taxpayers, not the government.

Because of that, big business supporters are trying to make the bill look like it will affect the average taxpayer, saying things like the U.S. News story linked to on Tuesday Newsday, where you could get that idea if you miss the line that the bill could "come in combo with a hike in investment and income taxes for wealthier Americans". It then goes on to detail those taxes, not the way the bill itself will work.

So, for me the question is, do you want to save the earth or do you want big business to run the world and let us wallow in carbon until it's gone? And for me, the answer is obvious. I want the world saved for my children even if I have to pay a bit more to use carbon-based products.

tuesday newsday - iranian elections

From Tuesday Newsday:

If you haven't heard about the stolen election in Iran, then you probably limit your television time to fiction, don't read newspapers or visit any news sites on the web. It is EVERYWHERE. And everyone has an opinion on it. What's yours? And what do you think about President Obama's reaction to it?

Well, I took so long to respond to this that it's no longer everywhere in the news, replaced by the celebrity deaths of Michael Jackson and Steve McNair. And strangely, the news of Iran was replaced by MJ BEFORE it was actually resolved. I think that alone should give you some idea of where Americans' priorities lie. It shows that all of the hoopla about President Obama's reaction, or lack thereof, was exactly that, hoopla. And yes, I think he took exactly the right approach for many reasons, the main one being that he is trying to redefine the U.S. role in the world, backing away from the U.S. as "policeman of the world". And that is the right thing to do.

The results have been "recounted" and certified now. It is probably still a fraudulant election, but sometimes there's not a lot people can do about that. I do feel pride in what the Iranian people did. They stood up to a repressive regime when the election was so obviously a fraud. They did not accept it when the Council of Guardians declared the election valid, but took to the streets and protested. This is more than the left wing in the United States did when the election was stolen by the right wing in this country. When the 5-4 vote in the Supreme Court decided along their own ideological lines that GWB was President, American said, "Well, okay" and went back to cable tv, air conditioned road trips and all those conveniences that would have to be delayed if they took time to actually PROTEST.

Americans were outraged when people were killed during the protests, wanted President Obama to threaten to send in troops. Okay. So what about in 1970 when four students were killed at a Kent State rally in Ohio, and a week later, 14 students were shot during a rally at Jackson State University in Louisiana. Should other countries have sent in troops to stop OUR National Guard, or do you think that we should have handled that ourselves? As horrible as I think that was, I do think we were able to stand up for ourselves, and we did.

And what if we DID intervene? Would the Iranian people actually WANT us there? Let's remember, the Reagan administration supported Saddam Hussein and a generation before that the Eisenhower administration helped overthrow the opposition to put Ayatollah Khomeini into power. If I were them, I'd be a bit wary of whomever the U.S. supported.

Okay, so now that it's too late and no one will care what anyone has to say about the Iranian election, and we've all gone on to mourn undeserving celebrities, I'll move on to responding to our latest meme, and all my ranting, like all the hot air blown off while criticizing the President, will be for naught.

life goes on - celebrity deaths

From Life Goes On:

In the past two days three icons of the 70's passed away. Ed McMann passed away June 24th of pneumonia, Farah Fawcett died June 25th after a three year battle with cancer, but most shocking was the sudden death of Michael Jackson, also June 25th, of apparent cardiac arrest. What celebrity deaths have affected you the most and why? What affect did their lives and careers have on you?

Make that six. You missed Gale Storm on Jun 29. Now pitchman Billy Mays and actor Karl Malden have died also. Guess it doesn't pay to wait to respond to our own memes. LOL.

My first reaction to this question of what effect their lives had on me is to answer "None at all" but that's not entirely true. I actually have three major reactions to this.

First, as I get older, I realize that death is something that happens to all of us. Gale Storm, Ed McMann and Karl Malden were big names in my youth. In a way, watching my parents' generation die gets me more ready for my own death, although I do still plan to live to at least 100!

Second is to wonder why we worship performers as we do. Why do celebrities who do nothing more than entertain us warrant time on CNN, especially Michael Jackson who is still dominating the airwaves (but more about him in my 3rd reaction)? We have a whole society of hero worship of the wrong people.

Why was there no big news when TWO of the Tuskegee airmen died this month, James Travis on Jun 4, and Roger Terry died on Jun 13? Or when James Calvert, submarine pioneer and author of "Silent Running", and fantasy writer David Eddings both died on Jun 5. Or Helen Boosalis, the first female President of the U.S. conference of mayors, who died on Jun 16? Or Edith "Jackie" Ronne, the first woman to set foot in Antarctica, who died on June 19? Or Jean Dausset, a Nobel prize-winning French immunologist and pioneer behind organ transplants and mapping of the human genome, who died on June 24?

When we spend our news time honoring entertainers who died and ignoring those who do real work but are less visible, we perpetuate the cycle that is giving us more and more drama majors and fewer and fewer science and math majors in colleges. To me, this does not bode well for the future of our country.

And that brings us to third, Michael Jackson. Whatever I think of him, he is an entity of his own, and makes me shake my head and want to barf more than all of the other things I've talked about so far. Now seriously, if your next door neighbor, your ex-husband, your child's teacher-coach-etc., settled a sexual molestation case for 15.3 Million dollars in 1994, settled another for $25 million in 2004, there's no way you'd let your child walk within miles of the man. But since it's "Michael Jackson" then suddenly it's the people who are trying to hurt him. C'mon. If he had enough money to settle for those amounts, then he had enough money to take it to trial if he thought he could win. Afrer all, he DID win the one he took to trial. That one must have not been as damning as the other two.

Why is it when famous people do things we would be ashamed of if someone in our family did them, the public is willing to give them slack. I really do not understand all the hoopla over Michael Jackson's death. I am sorry he is dead, like I would be sorry that anyone is dead. Whatever the reason, however he got to be the person he was when he died, in my mind, there is one less child molester on earth, and that's not a bad thing.